Starting out as a Blue Wife

There should be a mandatory support group for all wives of police officers.  I knew there would be worry involved; I didn't realize my role would be quite this difficult.

My husband joined the force late in life.  He had already enjoyed a pretty successful career that just didn't work out at the very end.  He joined the force part-time, and it suddenly turned into a full-time career.  I remember our joint interview that took place at the dining room table in our home.  I was asked how I felt about his new career choice.  I replied that I was proud.  I had peace.  The first time I saw him in that uniform, I beamed with pride and burst with excitement.  I was elated for him; he was living his dream.

The first hurdle to overcome was single parenting.  Of course, rookies are stuck on the worst shift.  He missed church services, band concerts, parent-teacher conferences, and bedtime stories.  I waited up for him at night to kiss him before going to bed, and kissed him goodbye in the morning as I left for work.  The brief period of night shift was even worse.  It was during summer break when my kids were home.  He got grouchy because the kids woke up him during the day, opening and closing the door and playing loudly- like kids do.

We adjusted to 6 days on and 2 days off, second shift.  Then it became 6 days on, 1 day off because he wanted to work side jobs on the other off-day.  "Babe- I'll make X dollars for [sitting in my cruiser, standing at a game, walking through the store, etc.].  It's so easy!"  Now I felt even more alone.  I remember thinking I needed to find some divorced friends.

I was lonely.  I decided to pursue another degree, which actually worked.  I was home alone every evening, so I had plenty of time to study.  I had no social life, and I now realize that's when I lost all my friends.  I miss having friends.  I always said he was my best friend, but I never saw him.

There should be a mandatory support group for all wives of police officers.  I wish I would have reached out to other wives during that time.  I didn't know them, and they didn't really reach out to me.  Because Hubby started out as an older rookie, all the guys on his shift were considerably younger.  Believe me when I say that I didn't have anything in common with their wives.  Many of them weren't even married yet.  The officers my age worked different shifts, and we didn't know them.   

I dealt with life the best I could, kept my chin up, and remained the best, supportive wife I could.  I stood by by man and Backed the Blue.  Then I cried, alone, when I got overwhelmed.